six

today marks 6 years i've lived in nyc. milestone. so here's a bit of brain barf for the day. utterly unorganized musings, if you will.

moving here: absolutely the best thing i've ever done for my life, some parts triumphant, many tragic. fraught with mistakes (ooohh... euphemism!) throughout these 6 years. we all know the last 3 have been particularly messy. but i'm back on the rise, i think. i hope. i try. flip side of my indelicate stumblings are the people who've blessed me all this time here. those who helped get me here, those who i met here & keep me going. there is no mistake in the beauty of my incredible friends.

so i'm ringing in year #6 at the office. of course. where else would i be? tho given the state of my heart, a little of me is merely going through the motions, wrapped in my thoughts. it's bittersweet. so much sadness today, most of which related to my father.

more flip side: some sweet reflections on just the day itself: kelly called - yay! matt sent me a pie-driven poem that made me laugh my heinie off. i got to play w/ jess's dog frank & then run around on the roof w/ rob's dog, rookie. & i mean run. doing that felt like i was shaking off the melancholy for a bright moment in the sunlight. ps, one of these days, if i ever actually move, i'm getting a dog, dammit.

i'm leaving the office soon, while there's still sun in the sky & heat in the air. take a moment to really get quiet will all the crazy rumblings around. think about how in 40 some-odd hours i'll see my dad & let myself feel however i need to feel about that.

you know, today i also made myself a mix called "cry" so i can just let the music in & get all the emotion out into the universe. keep it all flowing b/c holding this in will keep me out of the moment & that's all we have in the end. this moment.

until the next milestone.

final thoughts? a good note, shall we?
a toast: here's to the people who've kept me going, who give me their love & care & support, who have graced me with their friendship. through every triumph & tragedy, even through the mundane, i feel your amazing energies & it fills my heart. thank you. i love you all.

xoxo