i want to talk to my father

but he can't talk. i'm going crazy.

fuck.

this.

shit.

he has brain cancer. he has pneumonia. he has pancreatitis. he has something else called c-dif (whatever that means). he's in pain. he can't move much without assistance. he's as fragile as a newborn kitten. we don't know if he can still read. he's not entirely cognizant. he's trapped in his deteriorating body & mind. with no escape. he's on a million different antibiotics. he's on steroids. he's on fluids. his neuro-oncologist is going to put him back on the avastin (an antibody that prevents the growth of new blood cells so the vampire tumor has nothing to feed off of). they're sustaining his life but he doesn't have one anymore.

mom thinks he's given up... wouldn't you?

i just want to talk to him.

but he can't talk.