makeover

giovanni says i need to fix my diet. apparently, my tongue is coated (ew) which is evidence that my insides aren't right. he's going to write me up some ideas of what i should eat throughout the day. i'm going to listen to him. i mean, there's no point in everyone saying you're skinny when you're out of shape. and i'm not getting any younger. this isn't just about vanity, though. i have got to get healthy. i've got to take care of myself. for some reason, this is harder to do than it should be.

food is the first part. there's a lot more i need to revise.

i look at my apartment, my teeny tiny apartment. i've been out of this apartment 3 times in less than two months with my trips to sf to see my dad and family. the way i'm operating these days, my apartment is a layover spot until my next trip. a hotel. with no damn maid service. it's tolerably clean by most standards but by mine, it looks like 6 frat boys have been setting up shop in here. i can't get organized. but i've got to. this place was my sanctuary until lately.

see, in high school, i was fairly troubled. and often in trouble. there was one point at which my mom looked at the chaotic interior of my little turdball car and said that if that was an indication of the state of my mind, she was scared for me. that's kind of how i feel about my apartment. to the untrained eye, it's functional & homey, in spite of its size. to me, it's utter chaos.

but starting the cleaning/organizing process is so daunting i just can't get started. but it needs to get done. kind of like the food sitch. why is this so hard? i ask myself, how does one embark on a makeover?

and let's be honest, relatively speaking, while incredibly important, these are more superficial makeovers. the bigger makeover i have to do is less tangible. how to make the intangible tangible?

you can change your diet. get your ass to the gym. clean out your closet. dust. mop the floors. go through the piles of crap & sort or toss them. take out the trash. (yes, i'm getting metaphorical, yet again.) let me tell you, what i have to clean up is plenty.

it's not enough to know what your faults are. though it definitely helps because taking ownership is a decent starting point to working them out - not unlike a masseuse on a bad knot between your shoulder blades. you know the knot is there, you can maneuver and work on it & get it to heal. but how to stop getting those damn knots in the first place? prevention... that's the key.

what i need to do is nip it all in the bud, for crying out loud. stop piling up the mess - or building up those damn knots - so the cleanup is less daunting. for now, i'll start w/ food & some baby steps in my home. but once i get past those tangibles, i just have to face it all & do a real damn makeover.

so i can start clean.