live

and learn.
how trite
but rife
with truth
so telling and my brain
swells with
too much
facts and figures
subjective pictures
does anyone expect
me to stand by
and smile
and accept
and embrace
and be down
with the swill
that gets spewed
while i
negotiate my own
minefield
my open field
to dodge
and burn
i shopped it
around the semantics
dare i say
a night's antics
and i'll swallow
it all
in a grilled cheese
sandwich.
with fries.

jenny holzer on the brain is a good diversion

holzer was one of the major forces behind democratizing "art", bringing it out of the gallery space & engaging the public to interact with it. in the male-dominated street art scene - and frankly the art scene in general - it's good to remember that while graffiti was & is a strong influence in the proliferation & recognition of street art, it was a woman who contributed to its more widespread validation as an art form.

she is truly one of my heroes.

her truisms, in toto, follow:

a little knowledge can go a long way
a lot of professionals are crackpots
a man can’t know what it is to be a mother
a name means a lot just by itself
a positive attitude means all the difference in the world
a relaxed man is not necessarily a better man
a sense of timing is the mark of genius
a sincere effort is all you can ask
a single event can have infinitely many interpretations
a solid home base builds a sense of self
a strong sense of duty imprisons you
absolute submission can be a form of freedom
abstraction is a type of decadence
abuse of power comes as no surprise
action causes more trouble than thought
alienation produces eccentrics or revolutionaries
all things are delicately interconnected
ambition is just as dangerous as complacency
ambivalence can ruin your life
an elite is inevitable
anger or hate can be a useful motivating force
animalism is perfectly healthy
any surplus is immoral
anything is a legitimate area of investigation
artificial desires are despoiling the earth
at times inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning
at times your unconsciousness is truer than your conscious mind
automation is deadly
awful punishment awaits really bad people
bad intentions can yield good results
being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular
being happy is more important than anything else
being judgmental is a sign of life
being sure of yourself means you’re a fool
believing in rebirth is the same as admitting defeat
boredom makes you do crazy things
calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety
categorizing fear is calming
change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants
chasing the new is dangerous to society
children are the most cruel of all
children are the hope of the future
class action is a nice idea with no substance
class structure is as artificial as plastic
confusing yourself is a way to stay honest
crime against property is relatively unimportant
decadence can be an end in itself
decency is a relative thing
dependence can be a meal ticket
description is more important than metaphor
deviants are sacrificed to increase group solidarity
disgust is the appropriate response to most situations
disorganization is a kind of anesthesia
don’t place to much trust in experts
drama often obscures the real issues
dreaming while awake is a frightening contradiction
dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective
dying should be as easy as falling off a log
eating too much is criminal
elaboration is a form of pollution
emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses
enjoy yourself because you can’t change anything anyway
ensure that your life stays in flux
even your family can betray you
every achievement requires a sacrifice
everyone’s work is equally important
everything that’s interesting is new
exceptional people deserve special concessions
expiring for love is beautiful but stupid
expressing anger is necessary
extreme behavior has its basis in pathological psychology
extreme self-consciousness leads to perversion
faithfulness is a social not a biological law
fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon
fathers often use too much force
fear is the greatest incapacitator
freedom is a luxury not a necessity
giving free rein to your emotions is an honest way to live
go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may
going with the flow is soothing but risky
good deeds eventually are rewarded
government is a burden on the people
grass roots agitation is the only hope
guilt and self-laceration are indulgences
habitual contempt doesn’t reflect a finer sensibility
hiding your emotions is despicable
holding back protects your vital energies
humanism is obsolete
humor is a release
ideals are replaced by conventional goals at a certain age
if you aren’t political your personal life should be exemplary
if you can’t leave your mark give up
if you have many desires your life will be interesting
if you live simply there is nothing to worry about
ignoring enemies is the best way to fight
illness is a state of mind
imposing order is man’s vocation for chaos is hell
in some instances it’s better to die than to continue
inheritance must be abolished
it can be helpful to keep going no matter what
it is heroic to try to stop time
it is man’s fate to outsmart himself
it is a gift to the world not to have babies
it’s better to be a good person than a famous person
it’s better to be lonely than to be with inferior people
it’s better to be naive than jaded
it’s better to study the living fact than to analyze history
it’s crucial to have an active fantasy life
it’s good to give extra money to charity
it’s important to stay clean on all levels
it’s just an accident that your parents are your parents
it’s not good to hold too many absolutes
it’s not good to operate on credit
it’s vital to live in harmony with nature
just believing something can make it happen
keep something in reserve for emergencies
killing is unavoidable but nothing to be proud of
knowing yourself lets you understand others
knowledge should be advanced at all costs
labor is a life-destroying activity
lack of charisma can be fatal
leisure time is a gigantic smoke screen
listen when your body talks
looking back is the first sign of aging and decay
loving animals is a substitute activity
low expectations are good protection
manual labor can be refreshing and wholesome
men are not monogamous by nature
moderation kills the spirit
money creates taste
monomania is a prerequisite of success
morals are for little people
most people are not fit to rule themselves
mostly you should mind your own business
mothers shouldn’t make too many sacrifices
much was decided before you were born
murder has its sexual side
myth can make reality more intelligible
noise can be hostile
nothing upsets the balance of good and evil
occasionally principles are more valuable than people
offer very little information about yourself
often you should act like you are sexless
old friends are better left in the past
opacity is an irresistible challenge
pain can be a very positive thing
people are boring unless they are extremists
people are nuts if they think they are important
people are responsible for what they do unless they are insane
people who don’t work with their hands are parasites
people who go crazy are too sensitive
people won’t behave if they have nothing to lose
physical culture is second best
planning for the future is escapism
playing it safe can cause a lot of damage in the long run
politics is used for personal gain
potential counts for nothing until it’s realized
private property created crime
pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure will ruin you
push yourself to the limit as often as possible
raise boys and girls the same way
random mating is good for debunking sex myths
rechanneling destructive impulses is a sign of maturity
recluses always get weak
redistributing wealth is imperative
relativity is no boon to mankind
religion causes as many problems as it solves
remember you always have freedom of choice
repetition is the best way to learn
resolutions serve to ease our conscience
revolution begins with changes in the individual
romantic love was invented to manipulate women
routine is a link with the past
routine small excesses are worse than then the occasional debauch
sacrificing yourself for a bad cause is not a moral act
salvation can’t be bought and sold
self-awareness can be crippling
self-contempt can do more harm than good
selfishness is the most basic motivation
selflessness is the highest achievement
separatism is the way to a new beginning
sex differences are here to stay
sin is a means of social control
slipping into madness is good for the sake of comparison
sloppy thinking gets worse over time
solitude is enriching
sometimes science advances faster than it should
sometimes things seem to happen of their own accord
spending too much time on self-improvement is antisocial
starvation is nature’s way
stasis is a dream state
sterilization is a weapon of the rulers
strong emotional attachment stems from basic insecurity
stupid people shouldn’t breed
survival of the fittest applies to men and animals
symbols are more meaningful than things themselves
taking a strong stand publicizes the opposite position
talking is used to hide one’s inability to act
teasing people sexually can have ugly consequences
technology will make or break us
the cruelest disappointment is when you let yourself down
the desire to reproduce is a death wish
the family is living on borrowed time
the idea of revolution is an adolescent fantasy
the idea of transcendence is used to obscure oppression
the idiosyncratic has lost its authority
the most profound things are inexpressible
the mundane is to be cherished
the new is nothing but a restatement of the old
the only way to be pure is to stay by yourself
the sum of your actions determines what you are
the unattainable is invariable attractive
the world operates according to discoverable laws
there are too few immutable truths today
there’s nothing except what you sense
there’s nothing redeeming in toil
thinking too much can only cause problems
threatening someone sexually is a horrible act
timidity is laughable
to disagree presupposes moral integrity
to volunteer is reactionary
torture is barbaric
trading a life for a life is fair enough
true freedom is frightful
unique things must be the most valuable
unquestioning love demonstrates largesse of spirit
using force to stop force is absurd
violence is permissible even desirable occasionally
war is a purification rite
we must make sacrifices to maintain our quality of life
when something terrible happens people wake up
wishing things away is not effective
with perseverance you can discover any truth
words tend to be inadequate
worrying can help you prepare
you are a victim of the rules you live by
you are guileless in your dreams
you are responsible for constituting the meaning of things
you are the past present and future
you can live on through your descendants
you can’t expect people to be something they’re not
you can’t fool others if you’re fooling yourself
you don’t know what’s what until you support yourself
you have to hurt others to be extraordinary
you must be intimate with a token few
you must disagree with authority figures
you must have one grand passion
you must know where you stop and the world begins
you can understand someone of your sex only
you owe the world not the other way around
you should study as much as possible
your actions are pointless if no one notices
your oldest fears are the worst ones

lanvin = art

i can

feel it creeping
rising up again
tattooed in my memory
2 years going on 7
a hundred lifetimes
lived in that breath
his lifetime
breathed into my own
his last breath
etched in my hand
on my cheek
rising beat
ending choking
in my chest
and i still can feel
i feel
the anger my mistakes
my solitude
our redemption
nothing unfinished
his voice
a painting
in my breath
his last breath
i can feel
rise up
ink
on my heart
and i can't
feel
anything else.

i miss chengwin.

your

brow makes a
mark
large and looming
but not.
swallowed in a husk
peppery swigs
smoky
it's cognac
but not.
your
lips shape a laugh
soundless yet formed
a quiet i can't
define
or understand.
not now or yesterday.
maybe tomorrow
to hold.
maybe not.

collaborators.

obsessed. gotta find this wall in bburgh. i hear there's another gaia collab in bed-stuy...

some art.

from my walks in the last week or so.
i'd learned from 1 or 2 blogs that gaia (one of my fave street artists), mr. brainwash, elbowtoe & clownsoldier had collaborated on a piece. turns out it's on a corner (w. 13th/9th) in meatpacking i actively shoot. the pic of madonna below had been up for ages, then a few weeks back, the elbowtoe people went up on her face. then, as of +/- jan 14, the multi-collab piece went up on the spot.




farther down 13th, some other bits have gone up recently, as well. i'd been waiting to see some work by both (ema + kid acne) these artists!



last saturday, my buddy megan & i did a riotously fun shoot w/ air puppy (by jeremyville.com) all over lower manhattan. as the day drew to a close, we stopped by a spot on crosby where a number of postings change fairly frequently. as we were standing there, the street artist responsible for another "pup" started posting his work. i, of course, went bananas & gushed. he generously offered me a print (now posted in my office). more of his work is in meatpacking, as well.



also in meatpacking...



checkit. parts of 100 faces by felix morelo. chalked all the way down washington st. caught him in the act of chalking a "good luck spot". once again, i gushed at the sight of an artist in progress & he allowed me to shoot him.




in finale, the streets themselves, in concert with light & reflection, are their own art.



get out of your homes, people. brave the winter, momentarily depart the gallery world and check out unexpected beauty. it's all there. for everyone.

(& soon enough, maybe you'll see some of my work breaking through...)

unspoken.

stand still a silent charge
move the blue gray shades to fade
a legwarmer secret swaddled
in a dream wide awake
eyes flicker half mast
a wrinkle breathes time
indented smiles left cheek
something weathered
beauty about to speak
arrange the dusk golden
light to shadow whispering
from an island paradise
float a mumble of silk
behind lids dipped in milk
floating loose over skin
unspoken though searching
across the heat-soaked night.

a wish from oli. now from me.

via chain mail but i was so touched - and the sentiment felt so relevant in the face of what's in the forefront of my mind these days - i had to post.

my wish for all the people i love. for today & always.

"may today there be peace within. may you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others... may you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. may you be content with yourself just the way you are... let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. it is there for each and every one of us."

with love,
d*

practice.

am fraught with guilt. was hanging out with amazing friends last night, one of whom i gave 2 of natalie goldberg's books to. has to be said, when i gave him the books, i'd gotten the same 2 for myself, so i could renew my vows to writing. while chatting, he asked me if i'd been writing on the regular, to which i had to admit, i really hadn't. not... regularly.

well, that's sort of stupid, now, isn't it? i supposedly remarried myself to writing & have taken maybe 5-10 stabs at it in the last month or so? i know i'm shamelessly attached to my camera but writing (ok, and drawing) was one of my first loves & i am betraying that love by straight up negligence.

so. in the long list of commitments i've made to myself for this year (among which are: growing-up my "casa" after nearly 8 years of inhabitation, framing my "art", learning to stencil & infiltrating the mostly male-dominated street art scene...), i have to make the writing happen more.

i also have to be realistic. the advertising job is, well, just a job. that revelation dawned rather harshly on me last year, when the limited upward-mobility & earning potential in my field became so glaringly evident. & rather than fret about being "stuck", which i do ad nauseum, i have to get positive. do this while also being surrounded by inordinately creative, talented and - in many cases - successful, both monetarily & otherwise, friends. it's been easy for me to self-deprecate about how comparatively UNsuccessful i am next to them. that's the cheap/editor's way out. the new-deb way to go is to 1) get over it, 2) feel strength from the beauty, light & creativity they bring to create more.

i can say it or i can mean it: i am blessed. i mean. i can draw. people. very well. am out of practice but i can always re-learn, never stop learning. i can write. or, i can write more, hence maybe start to write better. i can practice. and more than anything, i am inspired. by extraordinary, loving, inspirational people, the majority of whom want the best for me. (those who don't, don't need to be around me. or rather, i don't need to be around them.)

sooooo, to come full circle, part of natalie goldberg's writing practice, other than writing on the regular - keep those hands moving - is to develop a lover (in your head, not your bed, though either would be fine) who acts as a counterbalance to the everpresent editor (in your head, not your bed, and neither are all that fine, thanks). yeah, yeah, goldberg is super-earth-mothery-crunchy-tree-huggy, but part of what makes her great is that her applications for writing are applications for life.

i'll relinquish the guilt i feel for my negligence & use it as impetus. so recommitting to writing practice is all part of the plan to recommit to how i address life. relinquish coulda shoulda woulda, drive to can, drive to will. recommit to the love, to my first loves, to art.

so watch these lines. i'm using 'em to fall in love again. & for practice.

haiti. what you can do.

1) wyclef jean has set up a fund for haiti and anyone who is interested can text "Yele" to 501501, will auto-donate $5 to the yele haiti earthquake fund (charged to cell phone bill), or visit Yele.org - click through to "DONATE" to help.

2) OR: set up by the white house, text the word "haiti" to 90999, will automatically donate $10 to...... red cross, charged to phone bill.

3) AMERICAN AIRLINES is taking doctors and nurses to Haiti for free. Please call 212-697-9767.

4) click-through on link below to take you direct to doctors w/o borders

5) local to nyc: donations of canned goods, clothing, & non-perishable items and medicines (pain relievers, ant-acids...) may be left at:• High Class Car Service at 604 West 158 Street between Broadway & Riverside Drive/Edward Morgan Place. telephone: (212) 926-1111. High Class also will pick-up items at your home or place of business; please call to schedule an appointment.

please act. now.
xoxo

i'm obsessed with skaters.

pics stolen off fecal face, posted by http://lovebryan.com/
seriously wondering why the hell i have to be the uncoordinated mess i am to miss out on fun like this.

yep, i like this director.

k'naan vid.

K'NAAN "T.I.A" music video directed by: NABIL from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

common vid.

COMMON "The Game" from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

tits & dick & bad music.

yet, train-wreck-like, i cannot look away. hence, i think i like this director. more research is required.

ELECTRIC 6 "Bodyshot" dir: NABIL from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

a video sent to me from leslie mah.

amazing. love it. enjoy.

COMBO a collaborative animation by Blu and David Ellis (2 times loop) from blu on Vimeo.

to me.

1st.

of 2010. make some writing practice. here goes.

i am trying to keep up with my brain. this is no easy task. i'd say get inside my head for a minute & you'd understand but it's best that you don't. so much to make of this brain. to make of this time, the new year. screw resolutions. i need to make commitments to myself. commitments to my own betterment. to growth. as i take a drag on a cig but what can a girl do. i am what i am. did i really just write that? (hey, editor, pipe down!) ok. fine. i am. but maybe maybe maybe growing into what's more, what's already there but somehow in hiding, masked by my own short-comings, my feverish brain, my feverish & frenetic personality & energy. try & keep up. try to keep going yet stop myself before i go to far. yet i never see too far until i'm already there. it's a curse. it's no joke that your greatest gifts are also your greatest faults. how to nurture one while overcoming its polarity? it's trite to say but this is writing practice so fuck judgment: i am a big, messy block of contradictions. blocking myself and what could make me good. what could make me great. as if another drag on that cig to my left could provide me with answers but at a minimum it provides an impetus to keep going (yes, i know the practice is about keeping your hands moving but they moved to the ciggie. what.).

fuck. a pause. ok. start again.

a pause to collect. my thoughts. myself. my. self. isn't that the goal moving forward? to collect the living fuck out of myself. check out my own personal personality collection, assess, readdress & deliver the goods? it's always been so daunting. so much work. & i work & work & work. at work. spare moments to work on me. sometimes it's... fuck a duck another pause this is killing me my loss for words. a loss for words in a brain that doesn't stop? doesn't make a lick of sense but yet in a way, another demonstration of my contradicted, conflicting make-up. hence, sense.

so where from this 1st. this writing down. this commitment. in writing.

forward.